Seven Deadly Facebook Sins.

Facebook is a funny place. What is it about us that makes us want to share every pathetic, tiny detail about our lives with hundreds of people? (John Ashby just clipped his toenails?? WHAT! Thats amazing!!) But some things are just plain annoying/hilarious. I like to call them the seven deadly Facebook sins...and I'm sure we've all been guilty of them at one time or another.

1. The Passive-Agressive Angsty Facebook Status-
You know the type, the one where someone wants to lash out at someone specific (usually of the opposite gender) while being just vague enough to make us all crazy with curiosity. Example: John Ashby hates this! Why do I have to feel this way? Why does she have make my day so great all the time? The funny thing with this type of status is that inevitably 6 or 7 suckers will comment on his status asking whats wrong or text him to figure out whats going on. Not because any of them care really, but because his status was so vague and full of deep emotional pain that there must be a good story there somewhere....or not.

2. The Awkward Profile Picture-
Ah the infamous profile picture. The one that isn't really supposed to mean anything, but we all know that secretly hundreds of people are judging us based solely on this one little image. Which makes me wonder why people do things like this:
Use a picture of a cute little animal- Yes, we all know that a tiny little frog is probably better looking than your face, but please. Unless you were bitten by a were-frog and that is an awesome shot of you during the full moon, restrain yourself.
Use an anime cartoon- For the last time, ANIME IS NOT REAL! Get over yourself.
Use a shot of them and a significant other kissing- You know how awkward it is to watch people make out in public? Well this is like the never-ending awkward makeout scene. Wow they're still kissing? Its been like 6 months now!
Use a picture of them as a baby- Lets be real here. All babies look the same. You were no cuter as a 1 year old than the bearded lady.

3. The Generic Profile Picture-
This one is closely related to The Awkward Profile Picture, but is so obnoxious that it gets a category all its own. How do you take a generic profile picture? .
Step One- If you're a girl put on a REEEEEALLY tight shirt, if you're a guy take off your shirt
Step Two- Head to the nearest bathroom
Step Three- Whip out your cell phone
Step Four- Make a "sexy" pose in front of the mirror and snap a photo with your phone
Newsflash! Its really hard for anyone to take you seriously when there's a toilet very obviously in the background. But on the upside, thats a really nice phone. Really.

4. The "I'm so popular" Status-
Example: John Ashby is going to Starbucks with Mary Sue Ellen, Peter Ross, Stephanie LaMount, Ti Ling Ju, Hitler, and Forest Gump. You don't need to inform all 1500 of your Facebook friends (many of which probably don't even know you) that you have a life. The very fact that you parade such a simple thing as going to Starbucks as such big news makes us suspicious. And slightly annoyed we weren't invited.

5. Farmville-
I'm pretty sure Farmville was a game invented by someone who needed to drive away all his friends. No! For the last time! I'm not going to give you a shovel goshdangit!

6. Combining Profiles-
So SandraandLuke Yergensen, who am I talking to exactly? Do I need to feel alarmed that you just posted something on my wall about plans to go shoe shopping? I mean really, how hard is it to make two profiles? I doubt when your husband married you, the foremost thought on his mind was "Yes!! I no longer need to look after my own Facebook profile!!" And if that was the case I highly doubt you will be SandraandLuke Yergensen for long anyway.

7. Relationship Blunders-
Relationships, relationships, relationships. Holy hannah there is so much I could say!
#1- The whole relationship status thing? Stupidest idea ever. While its nice to flaunt your significant other in the faces of all your friends, once the relationship is no more it just becomes awkward. Its like having a very messy, very public break up fight in a big room with everyone you've ever met, including your fourth grade teacher.
#2- If you went somewhere interesting together and took pictures, then by all means, post em. But if its just you and your significant other sitting on the couch making out, nobody wants to see that. I think deep down, even you don't want to see it. Watching yourself devour someone else's face is bound to either make you very hungry or deeply disturbed.
#3- The worst Facebook sin ever is placing your significant other's name in your info either under activities or worse, religion. I'm glad you have no life outside your lover. No really, I am.

Have a nice day!

This is what we do in the honors house.

Tonight I found out that I can dictate to my computer and it will type for me. Unfortunately its not very accurate, however it definitely makes some interesting stories, like the one below:

Marie Equals Awesome

By Marie Tuft and Steven Rose

Steve AND the latter time stolen from marie a great person who is completely innocent of everything.  Then Marie’S trolls and baldwin’s came to steal Stevens treasures which were kind of lame anyway so really it got off the hook.  And then the ferries of a delete that word-off of that elite that word periods could.  And then the berries FAIRES came in and threw Marie tuft from a cliff.  But not every person gets thrown off a cliff.  Only the really bad ones in like Steve who is really gone off the cliff AkA crazy.  The data: shows that Hungary is not tight as he loves its keys to know everything.  Commemorate the passing of Marie the dragons all the feast at Steve.  He was the guest of honor was days I stand at eight o’clock PM at the right time of life.  They all these they Don murray’s she hates 16 candles and in the hands of themRan curse and doomed forever.  Thus we seem more out-of-wax than the average candle maker a strains and amazing feat.  So what do we learn from this?  That’s not read an average textbook and muttered PM if F-that stuff and sat upon Italics to love only to chicken out and die as lowly as Steve ahead and prosper as you read it had all of the important things to know.  And number one was Steve.  That’s not too name change in net of a a N a lot of identity of a kid area in a lion played on and am.  Thank you.  It seems that the computer just like thieves better like six Lanes to go bird watching an Alabama lawmen.  It shows knots in the box from a giant turtle.  If turn owns twice I had the good seats house OK about his aunt and ½ new sneakers.

I think my favorite line is "F-that stuff and sat upon Italics, to love, only to chicken out and die as lowly as Steve." Great stuff! Its almost poetic like...and disses on Steve at the same time! Whoo! 

Have a nice day.

In the far distant future.

Back when my good friend Kimberly Christensen was getting married, I was bored one night. So I googled wedding dresses. This isn't exactly a normal activity for me...marriage isn't something that I think about a whole lot. But I guess with all the wedding fever going around I couldn't help myself. Ironically, I found the perfect wedding dress for me. Which I know isn't going to be available when I ACTUALLY get married ha ha. Just my luck right? Anyways...this is the dress I'd want.

Mmmhmm. If I was the weird type of person who orders their wedding dress like sixty years in advance I would probably have this dress in my possession by tomorrow. But I think I'm going to have to restrain myself from jumping on the dress-buying bandwagon. Oh well. Such is life.

Have a nice day.

To the owner of this red car.

Dear Sir or Madam.
If I knew who you were, I'd probably say I like, even admire, you as a person. But since I don't have the faintest clue as to your identity, all I'm going to say is this: I really want to punch you in the face! Your car is the most annoying thing about parking on the circle aside from the stupid sidewalk-dip spots that aren't parking but should be. Why is this? Because your car NEVER MOVES! From the time I moved in until Labor Day it was sitting in the prime spot outside my house. Thats a full month! Luckily after that someone else took that spot, but now that you're back I feel I must say something. How is it fair that those of us who do use our cars on a regular basis have to park in the reject parking by Sage Point just because you decided that your car makes for a lovely lawn ornament? Why do you need it so close anyway? Because it brightens your morning every time you walk out of your house and see it? Because you have some convoluted notion that if you park your car out of your sight someones going to steal it? Newsflash! Your car sucks! No one wants it! So unless you plan on actually using it, please, do us all a favor and get it out of the circle before someone finally cracks and attacks it with a baseball bat.

And, as always....

Have a nice day.

The Smoldering Ruins of My Heart.

Here's to all the ironies of life.

My whole digital storytelling project is about the little things in Monroe that are kind of quirky that don't change much. Photographing those items was my whole point in coming home this weekend. One of these is that house that stole the prom bridge and put it outside in their yard as a lawn ornament. I always secretly thought that was so awesome! Talking about it takes up a pretty sizable chunk in my project. Well...so this evening I drove past on my way to Wal Mart and this is all that was left of said house:

Its pretty hard to make out since this is a cell phone picture taken at night, but that little light is the smoldering ruins of what used to be the most epic building in Monroe, the house with the prom bridge out front. 

RIP Prom bridge house...you will forever remain in my heart :(

Have a nice day!