Dear finals,
Thank you for leading me to discover an awesome little out-of-the-way niche in the library. Its quiet. It has zen-like appeal. And the best part? Hardly anyone knows where it is! No longer do I have to listen people yell "If I sound really quiet it's because I'm in the library!" into their phones. No longer am I subjected to the life and times of that really annoying girl sitting behind me bemoaning to her friend all about how her roommate won't pick up her laundry. No longer must I try to block out the make-out sounds of the couple in the chair next to mine.
Studying nirvana = best Christmas present I could ever hope from you? I believe so!
Thanks again,
Marie
P.S. As always, have a nice day!
On the twelfth day of Christmas.
Dear Santa,
I know its been a while since you heard from me last, but I feel as though I am entering that stage of life where it gets hard to figure out what I want for Christmas. Therefore, in order to make your job easier I have compiled a handy list for your viewing pleasure.
- A real, live reindeer. Preferably one that makes purring noises when you pet it.
- A Lego castle, the kind I could actually live in.
- A one-way ticket to whatever planet Avatar was filmed on. (Because its a documentary, I know it is!)
- A full twenty-four hours in which I don't lose my keys.
- The ability to use the Force.
- A reserved parking spot outside my house on Officers Circle.
- Thirty-seven gallons of glow-in-the-dark paint.
- The Pope's hat.
- A tree house in the rain forest.
- Motivation.
- A law that states that its legal for me to sell marijuana to fund my college education.
- A snowman made out of birthday cake ice creme.
So that's it, in no particular order. Although if you could hit me with a strong dose of number ten sometime before Wednesday it would be greatly appreciated. Hope all is well with you! Merry Christmas!
Sincerely,
Marie
P.S. Have a nice day!
Things I learned this semester.
Well...its that time of year again! One week of finals and my sophomore year is halfway over! Whoo! Its funny though, because without a doubt those big, bad, scary finals will not cover the most important things I've learned this semester. Namely...
- Living in a house with a 10:2 girl:guy ration girls isn't as obnoxious as I thought it was going to be.
- Getting missionary letters is awesome. Actually, getting any mail at all is awesome. Even junk mail. "Hey! This random shoe company knows I exist! I'm so popular!"
- Age old idioms lie, sometimes there isn't a tomorrow.
- And sometimes hope is just a pesky feeling you want to get rid of.
- But thats ok. Life goes on.
- Andy Hoffman is basically the best professor of all time. The end.
- Racquetball is an excellent class in which to meet boys.
- Ironically so is the Presidents Circle shuttle stop...
- My driving skills improve dramatically when I'm upset, and take a definite dive when I feel calm. Take that every statistic I've ever seen! You lose!
- Midnight showings are sometimes really not worth the effort.
- First dates are awkward, but this isn't always my fault.
- Nathanael is a perfectly acceptable name for a little boy.
- Sometimes one cricket trapped under a plastic tube can magically turn into two.
- And then disappear.
- And then reincarnate as a carton full of mice.
- But only if you work in a lab.
- Sometimes its ok to feed the chipmunks.
- Never date anyone with an oxygen tank.
- Or anyone who says they are majoring in jet pack construction.
- Or anyone who refuses to speed, j walk, or play with face cards.
- Facebook stalking someone is probably not a good idea.
- But I'll keep doing it anyways.
- Mormon crickets can be hilarious.
- So can the word banana.
- It takes more than blond hair to be a Jensen.
- Devonte Christopher is a black guy.
- And John Stockton is white.
- Bent spoons can sometimes be named bent spoon.
- Writing papers at 4 AM the day they're due can get you recommended for a writing internship.
- LUST actually means "Large Underground Storage Unit"
- You can make the sentence "I won't throw it at your face" mean about 7 different things by putting the emphasis on different words.
- Having great friends can make an average year truely magical. (And I mean that literally. We have wands.)
Have a nice day!
Awkward family photos.
Whilst I was in the happy state of Arizona, my mom decided we needed to do some family photos. Some turned out pretty good, but others...well they turned out ridiculously awkward. And I love them! Since odds are they won't make it into the Christmas card, I decided to put them up here.
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| So this picture looked super legit...until I did auto curves on Photoshop and suddenly this random bird appeared... |
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| I was told this picture says a lot about me...hmm. |
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| This is what happens when we tell my dad not to squint... |
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| God? Are you really up there? |
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| Bah ha ha! |
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| What the? Who are these people? Why are they half concealed by a random palm bush? Why does the man look like such a creeper? |
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| I wasn't really sure what was going on...my mom just told me to stick my head through this. |
Seven Deadly Facebook Sins.
Facebook is a funny place. What is it about us that makes us want to share every pathetic, tiny detail about our lives with hundreds of people? (John Ashby just clipped his toenails?? WHAT! Thats amazing!!) But some things are just plain annoying/hilarious. I like to call them the seven deadly Facebook sins...and I'm sure we've all been guilty of them at one time or another.
1. The Passive-Agressive Angsty Facebook Status-
You know the type, the one where someone wants to lash out at someone specific (usually of the opposite gender) while being just vague enough to make us all crazy with curiosity. Example: John Ashby hates this! Why do I have to feel this way? Why does she have make my day so great all the time? The funny thing with this type of status is that inevitably 6 or 7 suckers will comment on his status asking whats wrong or text him to figure out whats going on. Not because any of them care really, but because his status was so vague and full of deep emotional pain that there must be a good story there somewhere....or not.
2. The Awkward Profile Picture-
Ah the infamous profile picture. The one that isn't really supposed to mean anything, but we all know that secretly hundreds of people are judging us based solely on this one little image. Which makes me wonder why people do things like this:
Use a picture of a cute little animal- Yes, we all know that a tiny little frog is probably better looking than your face, but please. Unless you were bitten by a were-frog and that is an awesome shot of you during the full moon, restrain yourself.
Use an anime cartoon- For the last time, ANIME IS NOT REAL! Get over yourself.
Use a shot of them and a significant other kissing- You know how awkward it is to watch people make out in public? Well this is like the never-ending awkward makeout scene. Wow they're still kissing? Its been like 6 months now!
Use a picture of them as a baby- Lets be real here. All babies look the same. You were no cuter as a 1 year old than the bearded lady.
3. The Generic Profile Picture-
This one is closely related to The Awkward Profile Picture, but is so obnoxious that it gets a category all its own. How do you take a generic profile picture? .
Step One- If you're a girl put on a REEEEEALLY tight shirt, if you're a guy take off your shirt
Step Two- Head to the nearest bathroom
Step Three- Whip out your cell phone
Step Four- Make a "sexy" pose in front of the mirror and snap a photo with your phone
Newsflash! Its really hard for anyone to take you seriously when there's a toilet very obviously in the background. But on the upside, thats a really nice phone. Really.
4. The "I'm so popular" Status-
Example: John Ashby is going to Starbucks with Mary Sue Ellen, Peter Ross, Stephanie LaMount, Ti Ling Ju, Hitler, and Forest Gump. You don't need to inform all 1500 of your Facebook friends (many of which probably don't even know you) that you have a life. The very fact that you parade such a simple thing as going to Starbucks as such big news makes us suspicious. And slightly annoyed we weren't invited.
5. Farmville-
I'm pretty sure Farmville was a game invented by someone who needed to drive away all his friends. No! For the last time! I'm not going to give you a shovel goshdangit!
6. Combining Profiles-
So SandraandLuke Yergensen, who am I talking to exactly? Do I need to feel alarmed that you just posted something on my wall about plans to go shoe shopping? I mean really, how hard is it to make two profiles? I doubt when your husband married you, the foremost thought on his mind was "Yes!! I no longer need to look after my own Facebook profile!!" And if that was the case I highly doubt you will be SandraandLuke Yergensen for long anyway.
7. Relationship Blunders-
Relationships, relationships, relationships. Holy hannah there is so much I could say!
#1- The whole relationship status thing? Stupidest idea ever. While its nice to flaunt your significant other in the faces of all your friends, once the relationship is no more it just becomes awkward. Its like having a very messy, very public break up fight in a big room with everyone you've ever met, including your fourth grade teacher.
#2- If you went somewhere interesting together and took pictures, then by all means, post em. But if its just you and your significant other sitting on the couch making out, nobody wants to see that. I think deep down, even you don't want to see it. Watching yourself devour someone else's face is bound to either make you very hungry or deeply disturbed.
#3- The worst Facebook sin ever is placing your significant other's name in your info either under activities or worse, religion. I'm glad you have no life outside your lover. No really, I am.
1. The Passive-Agressive Angsty Facebook Status-
You know the type, the one where someone wants to lash out at someone specific (usually of the opposite gender) while being just vague enough to make us all crazy with curiosity. Example: John Ashby hates this! Why do I have to feel this way? Why does she have make my day so great all the time? The funny thing with this type of status is that inevitably 6 or 7 suckers will comment on his status asking whats wrong or text him to figure out whats going on. Not because any of them care really, but because his status was so vague and full of deep emotional pain that there must be a good story there somewhere....or not.
2. The Awkward Profile Picture-
Ah the infamous profile picture. The one that isn't really supposed to mean anything, but we all know that secretly hundreds of people are judging us based solely on this one little image. Which makes me wonder why people do things like this:
Use a picture of a cute little animal- Yes, we all know that a tiny little frog is probably better looking than your face, but please. Unless you were bitten by a were-frog and that is an awesome shot of you during the full moon, restrain yourself.
Use an anime cartoon- For the last time, ANIME IS NOT REAL! Get over yourself.
Use a shot of them and a significant other kissing- You know how awkward it is to watch people make out in public? Well this is like the never-ending awkward makeout scene. Wow they're still kissing? Its been like 6 months now!
Use a picture of them as a baby- Lets be real here. All babies look the same. You were no cuter as a 1 year old than the bearded lady.
3. The Generic Profile Picture-
This one is closely related to The Awkward Profile Picture, but is so obnoxious that it gets a category all its own. How do you take a generic profile picture? .
Step One- If you're a girl put on a REEEEEALLY tight shirt, if you're a guy take off your shirt
Step Two- Head to the nearest bathroom
Step Three- Whip out your cell phone
Step Four- Make a "sexy" pose in front of the mirror and snap a photo with your phone
Newsflash! Its really hard for anyone to take you seriously when there's a toilet very obviously in the background. But on the upside, thats a really nice phone. Really.
4. The "I'm so popular" Status-
Example: John Ashby is going to Starbucks with Mary Sue Ellen, Peter Ross, Stephanie LaMount, Ti Ling Ju, Hitler, and Forest Gump. You don't need to inform all 1500 of your Facebook friends (many of which probably don't even know you) that you have a life. The very fact that you parade such a simple thing as going to Starbucks as such big news makes us suspicious. And slightly annoyed we weren't invited.
5. Farmville-
I'm pretty sure Farmville was a game invented by someone who needed to drive away all his friends. No! For the last time! I'm not going to give you a shovel goshdangit!
6. Combining Profiles-
So SandraandLuke Yergensen, who am I talking to exactly? Do I need to feel alarmed that you just posted something on my wall about plans to go shoe shopping? I mean really, how hard is it to make two profiles? I doubt when your husband married you, the foremost thought on his mind was "Yes!! I no longer need to look after my own Facebook profile!!" And if that was the case I highly doubt you will be SandraandLuke Yergensen for long anyway.
7. Relationship Blunders-
Relationships, relationships, relationships. Holy hannah there is so much I could say!
#1- The whole relationship status thing? Stupidest idea ever. While its nice to flaunt your significant other in the faces of all your friends, once the relationship is no more it just becomes awkward. Its like having a very messy, very public break up fight in a big room with everyone you've ever met, including your fourth grade teacher.
#2- If you went somewhere interesting together and took pictures, then by all means, post em. But if its just you and your significant other sitting on the couch making out, nobody wants to see that. I think deep down, even you don't want to see it. Watching yourself devour someone else's face is bound to either make you very hungry or deeply disturbed.
#3- The worst Facebook sin ever is placing your significant other's name in your info either under activities or worse, religion. I'm glad you have no life outside your lover. No really, I am.
Have a nice day!
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