Every year its always the same. On January 1st I feel all motivated to change my life for the better so I bang out a bunch of New Years resolutions. Then three weeks later I look back and realize that I didn't actually keep any of them. Oops... So my solution this year is to only make New Years resolutions that I can keep. Here is a sampling:
- I resolve to not light myself on fire.
- I resolve to turn 20 on April 7.
- I resolve to watch too much TV.
- I resolve to make fun of stupid people.
- I resolve to say I'm going to start going to the gym, but never actually do it.
- I resolve to quit drinking. (Hello. My name is Marie and I am 19 years sober.)
- I resolve to procrastinate my homework until the bitter end.
- I resolve to pretend to lose five pounds, while in reality staying at exactly the same weight.
- I resolve to slip and fall in the snow at least once.
- I resolve to not dye my hair purpleish green.
- I resolve to put on deodorant at least once every day.
- I resolve to always wear clothes in public.
- I resolve to say something really stupid at least once a month, if not more.
- I resolve to never watch whatever Twilight movie is due to come out next.
- I resolve to not put pickles, lettuce, tomatoes, and sauce on my hamburgers.
- I resolve to reread the entire Harry Potter series over the summer.
- I resolve to feel self-conscious in a swimming suite.
- I resolve to speak with an American accent.
Have a nice year!
